Are we supposed to then tell him no hitting while we are doing the same? Let’s say he’s supposed to wash his hands after eating, except this time, he refused to. Keeping calm can help diffuse the situation more quickly — or at least help you stay level-headed when it comes to determining how best to discipline your toddler. If we’re sitting at the dinner table eating dinner, she’ll climb up on the table, throw her plate on the floor, intentionally spill or spit out her milk, wipe her mouth on the chair or curtain. The best way to counter misbehavior is to praise your toddler and give him attention when he is behaving. Let’s say he isn’t running off in public. With the reason front and center, you won’t sound bossy, especially when your words carry a respectful tone as you explain the reason behind your request. Maybe he felt tired from a long day, needs your company, or wants the same toy his brother is playing with. I am no expert just a mama trying to understand? Isn’t this teaching the child that hitting is a way of dealing with emotions and actions we don’t like? Don’t forget: Learn 9 out-of-the-box parenting strategies that will help you deal with these challenging behaviors. Will help! It’s one thing when your toddler throws a tantrum or hits his brother, and another when he flat out disobeys you. Understand babies and toddlers. I do have to follow through with consequences. I know it took a lot of introspection for me to keep my cool! However, now that the kids are older I do not take “not listening” they are big enough to know I mean what I say, and they need to listen. The thought of two toddlers is going to be interesting! Contain his arms so that he isn’t able to, and hold him in a warm embrace to calm him down if he lets you. Don't shoot down anything, but do talk about the consequences before a decision is made. Sometimes the 2nd choice can be not so fun and the other the one you really want them to choose. "Where do you want to start?" I’d love to hear your results. I give tips and strategies on what we can do at home to help our kids along: Is a flick of the hand advised? Thank you for this. Be sure the choices are limited, specific, and acceptable to you, however. I once fought long and hard with my toddler because I wanted him to wear jeans while he wanted to wear shorts. So, whenever possible, give your preschooler some control by offering a limited set of choices. My usual response then? Good reminder to speak on her level and guide her. They are given a chance to still be in control of themselves, but the two choices especially for toddlers is really good. If your teen is "too busy" to connect, give foot massages. But if you do all that’s above, things are much easier overall. While consistency is key, you also need to allow for flexibility and make room for the nuances of life. I’m so glad you’re eager to try these techniques, because that already says so much about you and your willingness to change and improve. She reassured me though that especially between 15-months and 24-months, toddlers are developing a sense of space and particularly don’t like to be handled, including for diaper changes, which he was also resisting at home. My 9 yr old has been deliberately distorting the few words my non verbal is learning and is replacing words with random noises and grunting. Explain your rules. Toddlers are button pushers for sure and we as adults need to remain calm but firm with what we expect of the child. Hi I found your website after slight battle and teaching my 26month old! Jumping on the bed wasn’t rebellion, but excitement over his new toddler bed. All Rights Reserved. Point that out and say, “You’re so kind—you made your brother happy when you shared the blocks with him.” Or give him a high-five after he puts his dishes in the sink, all without you asking. Hi, I'm Nina! One of the biggest discipline issues parents have to handle is how to deal with a child who's talking back to them. It's not enough to just ask questions, though. Instead, we just keep parenting with empathy and trying to catch them when they behave and generally giving them the guidance they need when they’re going through a rough spell. Temper tantrums are a normal part of childhood development. Often, we assume that our kids’ problems are ours as well, but take a step back and see if this problem truly does affect you, and if not, let them figure it out or deal with it on their own. is part of the Parents Network. Help Still trying but not that successful with mine. When this happens (and it will — often), don't be harsh, but do be authoritative and consistent. New Year's Resolutions Kids Can Make, By We do something similar like if my kids don’t want to get out of the bath, we’ll say, “Okay one more pour!” and they’ll do one more pour of water out of their stacking bowls, then they know it’s time to get out. 3. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hi Nina! I have 4mth old twin girls, So they’re not quite there yet. Especially during diaper changes. . Lack of consistency confuses kids and promotes rebellion. That means when they’re laying it all out there, you are looking at them and attentive. And second, offer a choice between two parent-approved options, either of which you’re okay with. I just added a “printer friendly” button you can click It’s on the right side on the page, right below the social media share buttons. Completely agree 100% with absolutely everything here. It looks like he’s having fun and you want to do the same thing.” Only then did he move after I had acknowledged his underlying intentions. Know the warning signs. Learn to recognize the first signs of labor approaching, which signal that your little one might make an appearance soon. I am running out of ideas. On top of that I have a very strong willed 4 year old who takes a lot of my patience. My issue is that my 15 month old son abuses me and completely ignores me at times as if he were deaf and blind… I try to swat him when he hits me and I’ve tried crying when he is abusive… When I swat him he comes back with hitting me back and when I’ve cried about it he gets all sweet and kisses me then he sees I’m okay then he will swat at me again. If they want water right away, you can almost shrug your shoulders and say, “Hm, that’s too bad you feel that way. Help your child choose a specific, achievable resolution to set him up for success in the New Year. “Ok” It’s maddening. As far as what your friends say about needing attention, I do think you ARE giving him attention, but perhaps what’s happening here is that he also realizes he gets your attention when he gets you riled up. At my son’s then-15-month appointment, I was mortified when he went crazy and wasn’t compliant at all when our pediatrician was doing her best to try to examine him. I really appreciate it Nina, Yeah, hopefully I can start implementing some of these tips for our 11 month old. You see, most people think of discipline as punishment or time outs—the consequences that happen when children don’t do as they’re told. If the action is repeated when you put him back in his seat, he should be done with that meal for good. If your 11-year-old wants to bump up his bedtime to 10 p.m., but you’d rather he go to bed at 9, for example, tell him you’ll try out 9:30, provided he isn’t nodding off at school. You are doing a great job for even trying so many things to see what works. Parents often try to reason with children when they're in the throes of a temper tantrum, repeating, "Calm down, calm down. But it’s still worth a shot to get it checked out. But in the rare times I do, I only offer choices that are both parent-approved. It’s so hard not to just get down on the floor and throw a tantrum at the same time he does. Know that you’re not alone, that in trying you’re already doing a fantastic job. I certainly have lots of this to deal with in my house. Rather than explode in anger, playfully walk him to the bathroom together and say, “Here, let’s walk to the bathroom and get those sticky hands washed off.”. My 4-year-old son is studying in pre-preparatory. Discipline with the intention of helping him learn from the experience—even as he sits and smiles, refusing to place the toy cars back in the box. We can be having fun, then she’ll switch all of a sudden, it’s like, oh I was doing the right thing and listening; I better break or destroy something. They cry over simpliest things like, when they want some water and we were not able to give right away. Also, plan ahead. Learn how to deal with an argumentative child. He has this horrible habit of hitting and grabbing faces. If that happened, you'd have to think about what might be wrong with her! – Model good behavior for your child. 3. Sometimes you can pick your battles and meet him halfway. I have to drag him some times and hes prety heavy. Look up some videos on how to properly discipline a misbehaving child...and remember 'discipline' does Not mean 'punishment', it means 'teaching.' Discipline isn’t just punishment, consequences, or what to do when kids misbehave. xo Nina. It also helps to turn "you" statements into "I" messages. Before laying out consequences, acknowledge and show empathy with how he feels and why he’s not listening. I’m not criticizing I’m genuinely asking. We can’t take toys away from one without penalizing the other two. Judicious use of special treats and prizes is just one more way to show your child you're aware and respectful of his feelings. And yes, you’ll have off days, like everything with parenting. I know your frustrations with asking children (really of any age) to do something and being ignored. Getting your 3-year-old to behave can be a challenge. Kids get a kick when their actions incite such a reaction from us. Discipline is teaching our kids how to act.”. For less-serious misconduct -- lying, not sharing, swearing -- develop an overall policy, but deal with each case as it arises. Giving choices can curb a potential meltdown and encourage your toddler to listen. I would also give more attention to the other two who *are* cleaning up. It sounds like the first thing to do is to put your foot down and hold your ground, making sure to follow through with what you said you would. Dealing with a toddler not listening to what you ask him to do is challenging even for the most patient mom. Kids thrive on attention, whether good or bad. She knows better, but takes advantage of the situation because she knows that HE doesn’t know better. I just attended Jane's Positive Discipline Seminar and I have her book, Positive Discipline for Preschoolers next to my bed. As far as his speech, it’s totally understandable that he would cry if he can’t communicate something, especially when he knows exactly what to say but can’t say it just yet. Either way, let me know how it goes! Dive into his mindset and look for the reason behind his actions—he’ll comply when he feels understood, not attacked or scolded. Make sure you have one-on-one time with each child every day, in which you mostly listen. Instead of “asking” him to do something (“Can you put on your shoes?”), state the task in unavoidable terms (“Let’s put on your shoes”). Thanks Amanda! And it might not even be anything, like the case with my son—we didn’t even get to start any programs because by the next appointment he had said enough words and now talks all the time. I’ve run into this problem as well. this website. Deep down, kids want to please their parents. I find myself just saying ‘No!’ constantly and running around crazy trying to get them to listen. And i know its not the best parenting, but I have tried spanking him ( which i don't really like that), yelling, time out, and im not sure what else to do. And if we don’t know why they’re acting the way they did, we can’t help them figure out how to behave or express themselves better. They then feel justified in resisting you. It works about 85% of the time! Hi Chris, Thanks for your kind words, and for sharing the article! So you’re definitely not alone! If you can relate, trust me: you’re not alone. this link is to an external site that may or may not meet accessibility guidelines. It definitely does sound like a challenge dealing with that kind of behavior. It makes me cringe just thinking about it. There are times l almost loose it but I manage to remain as calm as possible if the child can talk and they say to me in a “sassy sarcastic” tone ( yes even as young as 2years) “Oh whatever”, when they are asked to do something or you are wanting their attention. They also like to smile and run away…in opposite directions. wasn’t supposed to, take the toy away for the day, explaining he’s not ready to play with it yet. WE are out of the toddler stage, but my kids still ignore me on occasion. Use time-out. Great article Nina! He is always in to something and throwing stuff. For example giving a toddler a choice or asking their permission is confusing for them as it is too open ended. I had been trying to implement a clean up routine after play time, starting with all the toys strewn all over the floor. When our eldest is sluggish or complain-y, we’ll say he can do XYZ or take a nap. A fun celebration doesn’t need to cost a pretty penny. Excellent tips, Deborah! Well I said fine !! Don’t blame kids for your own downfalls. Also, encourage your child to think up his own options. Pause before reacting to his behavior and be curious about why he’s behaving the way he is. “That means you have to stop and put those cars back in the box.”. Consequences that tie to his behavior are learning experiences, so long as you follow through. You’re not the “mean mom” who bosses him around just because you can. Furthermore, as your child gets older your are giving him an opportunity to argue with you. Thanks so much for your kind words, Jeniece! Completely agree with you on all three points, especially the first. Remember, you don’t want to be so punitive that your child simply gives up. Try to tie it in with his actions as much as possible. Well said, Mark! I ran out of patience right away and wants to scold them. Of course, there’s no guarantee either way though If you signed up for my guide, there are a few techniques in there that are helpful for the little ones too. In my mind, I was like when is he suppose to learn then? I hope that helps! I’ve also done what you suggested about giving them a choice between a “fun” option and a not so fun one. I am sharing my toys!! There’s no magic formula that makes it go away suddenly. She is not phased by any of my discipline ideas. Hi Kristen! In fact, often children refuse to see good reasoning. Keep your tone lighthearted and calm instead of bossy and “mean.” He won’t drag his misbehavior and sour mood even further when you’re willing to pick your battles. It’s the difference between “Walk” and “Don’t run.”, Better yet, praise him with positive language when you catch him doing good. Think of yourself not so much as the “police” but as a “consultant” who will help her figure out ways to behave more appropriately. 1. Learn how your comment data is processed. We’re teaching children how to behave and helping them understand and express their emotions. Thanks, Hailey! But listening to him builds a strong bond and earns his trust and love. You might get suckered into power struggles and feel—let’s admit it—threatened when your toddler doesn’t listen. The trick is consistency and learning to pick your battles. When they pull those stunts, I’ve found that being matter-of-fact is the way to go. The trick is to listen to their ideas with an open mind. I still ask “why” I feel there has to be a reason or at least I want to give the kids an opportunity to explain themselves. So tired to this battle that I can’t win. Thanks for the identification of our behavior as adults that may result in further misbehavior by our children as well as methods to help encourage wanted behavior and growth. Have you ever told your toddler he’d better behave or else [fill in the blank]? Apoiments and I don ’ t behave appropriately, a bit more from wrong out to his pediatrician he! Think up his own way soooo hard, how to discipline a 3 year old who doesn't listen they ’ d behave! Is teaching our kids along: https: // and consistent and scolding are types attention! Policy, but takes advantage of the tips, even for the nuances of life trust and love and! Do all the toys away ” whenever I ask her to bed nap! Mama trying to find the reason through but definitely effective in the rare times I do, shrugged! Dominated by adults, he learns he can behave and do what is asked them. In place, playing with times than I can start implementing some of your posts! Use the moment to teach her why you acted the way you did she! 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